Tuesday, July 31, 2012


Somedays I really wonder what I'm doing. Why I'm here. What is my life about. My head is always full these day with all kinds of thoughts and worries and even a few suspicions, but I can't seem to make sense of any of it. My eyes look, but I do not see. My ears hear, but they do not listen. My hands touch, but they do not feel. It's like I'm floating through everything. Not sure of where I am or why or where I am going.
My heart and emotions feel completely gone the past few days. Nothing exists, but anger. Anger with everyone. I snap or yell or on occasion just open the front door and walk out. I did that today. Just got up in the midst of everything, put some shoes on, and walked right out the door without a word to anyone. I know I'm not fixing anything, probably making things worse to be honest. But I don't know what to do. I feel as though I'm going crazy. There is some sort of huge sadness in me, but no time to cry. No where to cry. No one to cry on. And so instead it's all exchanged for anger. It's not good at all. And the end will probably be incredibly ugly. But I don't know how to stop it or fix it or anything. All I know is that if I could, I'd lay in bed all day. Not speaking. Not moving. Not acknowledging anything at all.