Sunday, February 12, 2012


It doesn't happen often, but on occasion I have very vivid dreams. When I was pregnant with Little Man, it was a repeating dream of being trapped in a maze. I could hear a baby crying louder and louder getting more and more frantic, but every turn in the maze seemed to be a dead end till I'd finally find the baby to only discover it had died in the hours it took me to find it. It was an awful dream to have when you're pregnant at 19 and are terrified of what life holds for you when this baby gets here. Although I'm pretty certain that was WHY I was having that dream. Cause I was alone, young, and had no idea how I was going to manage to take care of a baby when I was just a baby myself.

Almost 2 years ago, I started having this dream where my ex was cheating on me, in this giant cheesy heart shaped bed in front of everyone. Including me. And when I'd confront him the woman would run out, he'd run after, and I'd run after him. She'd leave and I'd catch up to him to ask how he could do that to me and he'd simply state "I never really loved you, I just didn't want to tell you that and hurt you". An awful dream when you're only a year into marriage. The ex would often wake to me smacking him with a magazine or a pillow in my half asleep angry stupor or I'd ask him if he loved me (just making sure) and then make him promise if he ever stopped, I needed him to tell me.

But eventually both those dreams stopped. And other than the occasional random non-sense dream, like a friend who suddenly gained 400 lbs. or my children building me a house out of mashed potatoes, I don't dream often. Until the last 2 nights that is...

And I know exactly why I'm having this one. But this one isn't a nightmare like the other two. This one is pleasant and full of good things, which is scarier than any nightmare because that means my mind thinks that my current life is already the nightmare and it can't come up with worse. Instead it comes up with amazing things to save me from the roughness of reality. It kinda makes me want to sleep as often as possible and hope for that dream to come back...

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